Maintain or Enhance Self-esteem

Maintaining self-esteem means telling employees you know they want to do a good job and pointing out their strengths.  It also means not saying anything to demean their abilities, competencies, or integrity as individuals.  Enhancing self-esteem means acknowledging employees' good ideas, expressing confidence in their abilities and basically treating them as competent individuals.  It also means praising them for an above-average performance, when appropriate. 

When maintaining or enhancing self-esteem, it's also important to remember a simple rule-- be specific and sincere.  Although it never hurts to tell someone "Good job on this report," you'll find that describing the contribution in detail will have a much greater impact because it shows you value that person and what he/she has achieved.  ("I appreciate your thoroughness in double-checking the calculations in this report.") Using specifics also leaves no doubt with the employee about what aspects of performance you're praising. 

The second half of the self-esteem rule -- be sincere -- is just as important.  Nothing turns people off faster than compliments they see as phony and insincere.  "Overdoing it" waters down praise and diminishes its impact.  Being specific in your compliments will contribute to their sincerity. 

You'll find that maintaining or enhancing the other person's self-esteem will encourage open communication.  This is especially helpful when you're holding a problem-solving discussion with an employee.  When talking about problems, it's natural for a person to feel his/her self-esteem is "under attack."  He/she may become defensive or withdraw from the discussion.  Focusing on the facts and not on the person will maintain self-esteem, making him/her more at ease and willing to discuss cause and possible solutions.  You'll also find the person more committed to solving the problem.  Another way to encourage open communication is not to place blame for a particular problem or situation.  When the person sees you're not "pointing a finger," he/she will be more receptive to discussing the situation openly. 

Listen and Respond With Empathy

Listening is the heart of open, two-way communication; "empathy" is understanding what another person is feeling.  When you combine the two, you have a very useful tool for "opening up" an employee and making him/her more willing to hear your point of view. 

Effective use of empathy includes two elements:  a statement of the feeling that is being expressed, and a restatement of the content. 

It's important to let employees know you've heard and understand both the content and feelings of what they've said.  Feelings can have a way of interfering with a person's ability to concentrate on the topic of discussion.  Letting the employee know you hear and understand those feelings can help you overcome the roadblock. 

Responding with empathy doesn't mean you have to agree with what the person is feeling.  For example, just telling the person, "I understand that you're feeling frustrated because you aren't getting the cooperation you need from other departments," lets him/her know you're making an effort to really listen.  The employee will most likely respond to your effort by trying harder to listen and understand what you have to say. 

One hint to help you apply these principles more effectively is to avoid using the words "but" or "however."  It's natural to tell the person in effect, "I hear you, but..." as you go on to state your own position.  Use of words such as "but" or "however" imply that what you're about to say is more important.  Try to get in the habit of using the words "and" in place of "but" or "however."  Or simply pause for a breath and then state your position without any transition word.  These techniques will help you keep both points of view equally positioned for problem solving. 

Responding with empathy is also beneficial when a person is expressing positive feelings.  When people are pleased or happy, they want others to share in their good feelings.  Empathizing with these positive feelings helps build teamwork by creating an atmosphere of camaraderie'.  Remembering successes can help sustain morale and motivation needed to deal with problems when they arise. 

Listening and responding with empathy also goes a long way toward making your interactions with employees open and productive.  Obviously, the more information you know, the better you'll be able to analyze the situation and work to achieve the desired result.  When employees know you're listening, they'll be more motivated to contribute important information.